Evil in Videogames

Where did it go?


Some times when I play a videogame I want the complete destruction of the world, at my hands alone, to be an option. I want to adopt every orphan, gather them to a massive feast, let rats steal the food and burn the children alive.

Jesus fucking Christ man...

Sick minds aside, I think there are a ton of people who miss needless evil and cruelty in games. 

Before I had any grasp of the English language, or could even read at all, I played videogames, and one of my absolute favourites was, and is to this day, Dungeon Keeper.

Back in the day I would go to a friend's house, and we would destroy the overworld together, or at the very least, we would slap imps around until we were sent outside.

He knows what's coming. Lazy bastard.

What held our attention for so long wasn't just the fact that this was a game, or moving colours on a screen, but the only couple of games where we could really BE the bad guy.

Dungeon Keeper 1&2 was completely unapologetic in every way. As we grew up and learned the language, we discovered the story, and were pleased to see that there was no "This 'good' guy drove us out of our homeland because we were ugly compared to them", "The heroes stole my girlfriend and this entire thing is in actuality a misguided quest for love!", or even the ever disappointing "These so called 'heroes' each represent a mortal sin, and grew evil with time".

GO TO HELL YOU PRISSY-PANTS MOTHERFUCKER!

Extinguish every last piece of your vanquished foe, burn his lands, kill, torture and imprison his forces, recruit their bodies and very souls as mindless cannon fodder for your unstappable army of pure evil destruction!

Even silly things like allegiance couldn't stop your army's insatiable lust for blood and death. Bored forces in Dungeon Keeper would fight between themselves if they weren't given a specific task or something to pummel mercilessly. One unit would spend most of their time in the torture chamber, screaming in delight as they whipped strips of flesh from the body of a captured enemy, or even taking turns torturing each other. They didn't care as long as their entire world was pain and suffering.

Of course she looks like this, what did you expect?

Meanwhile, Fable replaces the evil option with the "evil" option. Note that "evil" in the Fable universe translates to "Insufferable douche" in ours. 

Sure burping in someone's face and laughing like an elementary school bully is an unfriendly thing to do, but it's not evil. It INSPIRES fantastically cruel and merciless beating of the face, but that's a favour to all in the vicinity, not evil. 

Sure you can slaughter the innocent townspeople until you're stricken down by brave guards two days from retirement, but when it looks, sounds and feels like beating a sack of potatoes with a medium sized dildo, it seems so fucking impotent compared to the Dungeon Keeper games, where the announcer sounds like the impossible love-child of Vincent Price and Boris Karloff.

You're a douchebag, mister prince.

After seeing a man being beaten to a pulp, dragged to a torture room and whipped until he caved, and then dragged off to a prison where he would starve to death and either be risen as a mindless skeleton or buried in a haunted graveyard until a vampire sees the astounding amount of death in my dungeon and joins to get a taste, I just can't watch happy townspeople call my minions adorable rapscallions and call myself evil as a result...

The delighted frolicking in fields of grass and pumpkin patches
was the darkest point in this game by far.

Real evil, cruelty and plain unmotivated senseless violence is lacking in modern videogames, and I for one am sick of it!

We have the graphics now, and we have the 18+ ratings. Gaming grew to a point where a game can be considered a piece of art, and the majority of gamers today are over 18. The average age of a modern gamer is 33 for fuck's sake!

So what is stopping us from using those advanced graphics and hefty machine power from ripping people to shreds? Why does every game look like Mortal Kombat for the Snes(No blood without a code)?

In conclusion: 

COME BACK BULLFROG! I LOVE YOU AS HARD AS A MAN CAN LOVE A TALENTED GROUP OF PEOPLE.

South Park: A tale of love gone cold

If you haven't seen the newest South Park episode, but plan on it, I would advice you not to continue further as I will discuss some of it in this post.

I remember saying, at the end of season 14, "South Park is dead, and I think that's probably a good thing". They lost their energy a long time ago (Matt and Trey are about 40 years old at the time), they changed to voices and animation to something prettier and friendlier, they started doing some of the biggest mistakes The Simpsons insist on doing time and time again, and the passion for the work is nowhere to be found.

Every script for The Simpsons seasons 19-22.

In the latest episode I thought they had found a new balance between developing the show and the characters further, and finding the way back to their roots, but then the ending came...
This is where the spoiling happens.
Stans parents brake up, they move, his friend don't like him any more because he grew up to be a cynical asshole and, I'm absolutely sure, future blogger, the plot they were developing seemed to simply be washed away as they had to make room for what they really wanted to say. "South Park is shit now".

"No time to write comedy, we'll just borrow a script from The Simpsons and make it gross"

This article seems to say there's one season left in the show after they take a break. It also says how they view South Park as a job they have to do and absolutely hate. Personally I hope they make a couple of more episodes to properly end everything properly like so few shows do.
Scrubs used to be great. One of the few non-cynical comedies I could enjoy. Then the quality started to dip a bit to a point where episodes melted together, but then the finally came, tied all the ends together, and I was happy. Not happy because I had one less show to watch, but because they managed to actually end the show instead of stopping mid episode with a hastily written "the end" sign like so many do.

I blame the beard.

That's also one reason why I really really love HBO series. They end properly.
South Park deserves a good death. Its life towards the end might have been painful and forced, but with the past in mind they should get an ending similar in quality to Six Feet Under.

This handsome man alone evoked so incredibly many emotions.

South park has successfully filled the roles as a pleaser, teaser, shocker, and show stopper for many years. For that they deserve a sending off we will never forget, and the post South Park void must remain untouched for years until we rediscover it one late night browsing actors on IMdb.com and read with gleeful nostalgia into the grey hours of the morning.

Relive the good times as we lay four boys and one fucked up town to rest.