mandag 13. juni 2011

My Myspace Nightmare

I was googling around for something, got got sent to a myspace forum, and wanted to reply. That meant I would have to be a member of Myspace, something I have avoided my entire life. Considering the other things I've taken part in for this blog, and how easy it was, I decided that having Mostaza Algernon plastered one more place on the internet couldn't hurt. As a matter of fact, if you google me you will find mustard, my blog and pictures I've used, my friends on facebook, and blogs I've commented on.
It's not random. Mostaza means mustard.
There was a little button on Myspace that looked like admitting defeat. It was a "Connect with Facebook" button. I clicked it and was thrown to another button with some words on it that meant absolutely nothing, which I also clicked.
Without really doing anything I am now following 38... things. Most of it sucks, some of it is okay, and the rest has no connection to me in any way.
In my suddenly booming friends list I had bands like U2, Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson. Now Michael Jackson isn't bad if you get a fan to show you some of his work, but the other two...
"Welcome to Myspace. You like The Jonas Brothers, and they are your friends".
I pressed the little x's that don't appear until you hover over them in an attempt to undo the damages done by some malicious robot overlord, but all it did was remove it from my sight for a moment.
Growing more anxious by the minute I clicked everything in my sight that looked like it might contain an "I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS CRAP!!!!" button, yet I still loved Bono and all his pretentious/horrible friends. I clicked my "friends" names, and clicked the frind button working by the old logic that clicking the same thing twice will undo the carnage. It did not. In fact I had now sent a friend request to The Jonas Brothers, who were already my friends AND something I followed.
"Leave? I'm afraid I can't let you do that friend"
Finally I found the real friend list and managed to understand at least a fraction of what I saw. I deleted all my friends, and then I had to delete all my online friends. I had managed to get the number of crap I followed down to a, somehow, more terrifying 37 things that mostly suck.
A thought occurred to me: "What if Myspace has become such a horribly outdated dial-up monster that it won't let me leave? Just like old people you don't visit!"
"If we snapped Bobby's neck he wouldn't leave, then we could freeze him and eat bob-sicles"
Tom and his scheming robot overlord Myspace had started to get to me. When I shut my eyes all I could see was bands trying to get people, who don't pay attention any more, excited about nothing.
Myspace even has a little blog thing, so I thought I would try to post in the forum (which is what I came for), and maybe pull some more traffic.
Future readers of my blog. Whether they want to or not.
A message written in non-threatening, almost pleading, grey popped up on the grey background and informed me: You can not post in the forums until you've been a member for seven days.
fear became hate as I bravely looked around for a "delete account" button. If I found it on Facebook I'll find it on Myspace! Myspace-tron-Overlord-11000 gave way to my pounding of clicks and slowly revealed my goal. In a climatic underdog scenario I finally enjoyed my uncovered treasure. "CLICK" said the mouse and "we have sent you an email. Please stay with us. Follow the instructions to delete your account".
I followed the link provided and had to give them my email, for some reason, before Myspace finally submitted and said the words I had been longing to hear for so long. "Your account has been suspended and will be deleted in 48 hours. We're sorry to lose you, but hope you will have fun. You will be taken to the main page in 10 seconds".
Yes I am.
Rot in hell you putrid outdated social network!

6 kommentarer:

  1. yeah I hate myspace, a lot of websites today say you have to become a member to do anything, even some torrent are sites are like this and can become very annoying.

  2. Always disliked Myspace. Luckily, I never really got into it, as my friend group did not adopt a social media network until Facebook came out.

  3. Nobody uses Myspace anymore.

  4. reading about myspace brings back such great memories. btw thanks a lot for pointing out my typo!

  5. Yeah myspace is terrible compared to facebook and even twitter. Its too busy full of ads in an attempt to elongate its already expired lifetime!