søndag 29. mai 2011


The worst way in the world to wake up is suddenly. Instead of gently becoming more awake as the daylight seeps in and you get all the sleep you need, you're jerked out of your peaceful slumber into a world of pain.
The human body was not made to wake up this way, and it wasn't made to sleep this way either. We're supposed to sleep two, maybe three times each day.
This is better than eight hours of sleep in the night.
Why are we still fighting human nature instead of incorporating a ninety minute nap in the middle of the day?
Not masturbating causes hysteria, not sleeping right causes us to be less alert and effective as human beings, eating stupidly sends us into a never ending spiral of doom. Could we stop trying to combat nature and instead just make friends with it and try living according to its rules?

Hardcore pun stars

Reality TV is a horrible thing in principle. It's also the biggest, most popular, strangest thing on television at the moment.
The budget for a reality show is basically the same as Blair Witch project. Instead of launching something if they think it's possible to make money off it, they now launch everything, and make another season if they earn enough off of it! Every TV executive loves reality, because it's close to impossible to lose any money on it at all.
Men Who Stare at Paint. Four seasons and running

It's also expanding really really fast, so what they started doing is they find some manly job, and then film people doing it. We have some lumberjack shit, at least TWO shows about pawn shops (Both with the same pun...), several cop things (Coming up: Papercop, the paperwork that puts the criminals: Behind bars. Another show, coming up after this one), and of course the tons of "romance" shows.
There's a plethora of "reality" on TV, and that's a bad thing in every way.
Yes. This actually exists
Flavor Flave fell in love with Brigitte Nielsen on The Surreal Life. They got a show together called Strange Love, after that he got a show called Flavor of Love, which went on for three seasons. One of the contestants got a show called I love New York (She's New York somehow) and another contestant got a show called I Love Money, this time it's about money and not love though.

If you're still on the fence regarding reality TV, thinking humanity can be saved, just follow this little link and let the words rip your soul out.

If you still haven't figured out how reality TV works, here's a visual aid.

The Bachelor
Now if you'll excuse me I'll go watch the rest of Water Cops Taking 30 Second Showers now.

lørdag 28. mai 2011

Post party chill

What was supposed to be a movie with some drinks turned into two movies and a lot of drinks. Which is actually awesome.
Two people taking the last bus home became two people eating burger and saying, food in mouth, "screw it! I'm staying here tonight!". Which was actually my secret plan all along. My culinary treats, tons of beds, funny dumb cats, encouraging words to drink, and the scary movie keeps guests in my California hotel.

Now there are two things that makes drinking a really attractive concept to me.
I get to turn off most bad parts of my brain, so most of what's left is just creativity, a love of people (I mostly hate people in general), and the ability to just purely enjoy more things.
The other thing is that I just calm down completely and don't have to... anything!
There's nothing in the bottom of a glass for me but mental freedom

fredag 27. mai 2011

Esteemed readers

Ladies and gentlemen of blog. It is time. It is time to party. Sort of.
Movies with some drinks, then maybe we'll get lucky f the polish dude brings some strong stuff and we'll all be completely trashed.

Any good suggestions for movies?

torsdag 26. mai 2011

League of Legends

If you haven't heard of it: It's a pretty popular real time strategy role playing action game. All these names for it are really necessary to properly explain how it works. 

Basically. You're in a team of 5 or 3, depending on what map you chose to fight on. You control one of the people, called champions, and your goal is to murder everyone and destroy their base. You do this by killing minor creatures who span indefinitely, minions, and growing in power. Every one in a while a team fight will break out, and you have to fit the specific role of the champion you chose. Some of you might already be familiar with the roles described, but some will not understand a single thing.

There's tank. Something many know, or can guess, what means. It's a guy who's main purpose is to initiate team fights and keep everyone else safe whilst taking the enemies brunt force. 
This ninja is for some reason a tank, and a very good one too.
There's support. Still maybe familiar, and rather obvious. The supports purpose is to improve your allies, hinder the enemy, and keep your team mates even safer. A team should preferably have both a tank and a support.
This stylin'  watchman right here is a good support. He can actually make you survive death
Jungler. This needs some explaining. There are three lanes on the map where jungling is viable. Often there will be 2 players from each team top, 1 in the middle, and 2 more at the bottom. The jungler does not stay in lane, but kills creatures out in the woods instead. This gives you 2 lanes where the players get more experience, more gold, and might get hit more by the other players. The jungler should at most times have both buffs from the jungle. One that replenishes your mana incredibly fast, and one that applies a slow when you hit someone, and does damage. The jungler also gets the task of jumping in on lanes to help kill the other guys, and some times take over a lane if your friend has to go back to replenish health, mana, or buy items. 
This handsome fellow is an excellent jungler, but underplayed. This troll needs some love.

Carry. This is a very popular choice. The carries job is to murder everyone, get as rich as possible, and not die. The carry is the one everyone helps kill anything that moves and destroy their base.
This steampunk beauty is a carry, and has the longest attack range in the game. And she looks really good too.

That's mostly the basics. If you want some more info just let me know. I've studied this game a lot, so I know a bunch of theoretical stuff.

The entire thing is absolutely free, and lives off micro transaction. Meaning that if you want a new champion, a new skin (purely look, nothing more), or some buffs that means you'll get stuff faster you can pay with money. It's not a lot, and it's completely up to you. Riot (The company behind this game, and the guys behind DOTA allstar) has a pretty strict "no power for cash" policy. Which means that the things you can get that actually gives you in game power is not for sale for cash at all! You'll have to earn it by playing games. 

If this sounds like something you'd like to try you can register using this link

Chuck Norris

Is wearing a karate shirt of some sorts, some classic "indian" clothes that white people brought with them, and monologues talks very very much. And there's an annoying little Anakin with AIDS too.

This is not why I decided to turn on Walker Texas Ranger.


My mind is not always profound... or even any good at brain stuff. Apple juice good

tirsdag 24. mai 2011

The tale of an exam day gone wrong

I woke up today, relaxed and rested, and instantly became terrified at how relaxed and rested I felt. Normally I feel like an absolute wreck every weekday, and I had slept even less than usual last night.
I rose with a panic and lept to the nearest time telling device. With a smug look of evil satisfaction, possibly due to the abuse it has been subjected to over the years, my computer displayed the numbers 11:47. The next bus left at 11:14 and wouldn't even be in the same city as my school until at least 45 minutes after the, usually late, departure. The exam begun at 9 and ended at 14 o'clock. Completely broken in spirit I let the cats out and sat on my stairs in my boxers in 14 degrees Celsius for a cigarette I can't afford.

After a few calls I was promised to be able to take the exam, but with no extended time.
The bus closest to me would leave me less than half an hour to complete the exam, which I knew would consist of manipulating 10 pictures taken the day before somehow, which isn't nearly enough.
I thought about stealing my dads car since he was out of town and would never have caught me, but I don't have a license, and getting pulled over for some reason would kill all my chances at passing.
So I stole his bike instead and practically flew to the bus central to take another, faster, bus, which would leave me about an hour for the exam. Still not enough time to do a proper job. Still, it would have to do.
During this lung collapsing bike ride there were no Power of Love. There was no skateboarding whilst holding on to a car, no "Doc. I'm late for school!" Huey Lewis offered no help. To top it off I had strong headwind the entire way. Even when I was going in the opposite direction from earlier.

Now this bus driver was a nice guy. So he waited around in case someone was late, and he did not drive fast, and he was happy to small talk with anyone. Including some preschoolers who never stopped either crying or laughing. My iPod was left at home in the hurry. Then we changed driver to another guy just like him...

Finally I arrived at the school and could take a look at the assignment. Prepare your images for an exhibition, the frames are 30cm x 40cm. As some of you know this usually means 30cm width, 40cm height, which is how you take a portrait. Sadly, all but two of my pictures were taken like landscapes. None of the exam guys watching over us could tell me if it was possible to deliver 40cm x 30cm, so I was stuck trying to, successfully, crop 8-9 pictures into painfully unfitting dimensions, and Photoshop them all to look acceptable.

Unlike the other students who had 5 hours to complete the task, I had 54 minutes.

On the way home there were preschoolers on the bus the entire time and shortly before I got off the bus it started raining and the wind picked up even more.


This new media of ours called blogging resembles cave paintings. Though our grammar is probably better now I think it's a bit awesome that this ultra modern phenomenon is nothing more than an extension of extremely primal needs